


Always Enough Time

by Kamidani



Series: I'll Take My Time, Coming Home To You [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, Not Really Character Death, Sora (Kingdom Hearts) Has Issues, Temporary Character Death, probably not canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 02:10:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18085403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamidani/pseuds/Kamidani
Summary: Sora willingly gave his life to save the ones he loves. It's a choice he'd make over and over again, as many times as he needs to, to keep them safe. But now that the war is over and his chances have been used up, he's left with a depressing reality, one that he's helpless to change: as much as he's willing to give up for them, he isn't ready to die.





	1. Dandelion

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, it's been a few months and KH3 still has me in a stranglehold. I honestly wasn't expecting this to be much of anything, but like most of my writing tends to do, it kind of exploded without my permission. I don't know if this is the kind of thing that would put you in a bad place mentally, and the second chapter (which is already written and will be up soon) has a more positive end, but do be warned, this is not a happy story. I mean, how could it be? Local sunshine boy gets dusted, more at 11. Anyways, I hope you enjoy my midnight ramblings.

You know, of all the things I ever expected to get used to, dying definitely wasn't one of them. And yet despite the ridiculous nature of that statement, the only thing I've done more often than die is come back to life. You know, they used to tell us stories, back on the Islands, of how there was on old man in a sailboat made of whale bones who guided your soul to the afterlife when you died. The grown ups tried to make it sound awe-inspiring and scary, but we all called him Old Man Stank Breath and drew pictures of him holding a half eaten fish taco and wearing a bathrobe with a cigarette between his teeth. I guess, even back then, death was not a concept I was that concerned about.

If Old Man Stank Breath is real, he must be having a field day. It only took like, what, three, four tries for me to finally, really die? But now he finally gets to do his job and cart whatever's left of my soul to the afterlife.

Oh, wait. I've already been to the afterlife. Huh. Sorry, Old Man. Guess there  _still_  isn't really much for you to do.

But… that doesn't really matter now, does it. Because no matter how much I try to smile and brush it off, I can't anymore. For a moment, one really nice, really short moment, I was sitting next to Kairi on the paopu tree. I could feel her hand in mine, see the sunset reflecting off the water, hear everyone playing on the beach below us without a care in the world. And for a second I thought that maybe everything would be okay.

And then I felt it. Cracks spiderwebbing through my very being, sending shards of soul and memory flying everywhere. I could feel myself losing grip on reality, every second leaving me less tied to the realm of light than the one before it. I remembered, bitterly, what Jack had told me back then. There's always enough time. I'd believed it then, but now I cursed the complacency of the idea. This wasn't enough, it couldn't be enough, I was fading away and there wasn't enough  _time_. Not to say what I needed to say.

I had to make sure Kairi knew that this was worth it, tell Riku not to come looking for me. Apologize to Mickey. He'd been right, not that knowing that would have changed my mind. And I still wanted to thank Namine, and I wanted to meet Roxas and Xion, for real this time, and maybe I'd finally spend enough time with Lea that I'd stop calling him Axel on reflex. I wanted to get to know Ven, the boy who'd apparently been with me for most of my life. I wanted desperately to know Aqua and Terra. Leftovers from Ventus, maybe, but the feelings were as raw and tangible as anything I'd ever felt. And Donald and Goofy, they'd miss me. They'd blame themselves, too, just like Riku or the King. There were so many words that I needed to get out, but my fading grip on this world kind of cut down on my options. So I turned to Kairi, who sat next to me, and I spoke.

Oh, I could see it on her face. She knew exactly what was happening, what I'd given up for this, and I could see her wanting to deny it. Hoping beyond hope that I'd cheat death again.

Not this time. Sorry.

"Kairi," I began. It felt weird, the shape of her name on my lips. I could taste the salty air and the sea brine. It felt like I could taste the sunset too. Side effect of dying, maybe? I had never died on a beach before. "Kairi, I need to say something. And I need you to let me say it without interrupting. This is important." She only nodded, and I held her hand tightly in mine. I needed it, the contact, to keep me tethered. I could feel myself, slipping slipping slipping  _falling_ , but I couldn't yet. I had to say this.

"I chose this." Why was talking so hard? Forming words felt wrong. My face felt stiff and heavy, like it was caked with sea salt. "I chose this, Kairi, I want this. I-" falling falling falling  _dark dark empty_  open space, bright blue skies reflected perfectly in still water  _no not yet hold on I_   **have to say this first!**  "I knew what could happen." I was back on the tree, and Kairi sat next to me, and the sunset was a little duller, and the laughter below us had stilled. So they'd noticed the new arrivals. The two people on the tree, where soon there would be only one. Focus, hold on, just a little longer. You don't have enough time, you have to  _make_  enough time.

"You knew," Kairi repeated. And oh, her voice was an anchor, dragging my weary soul back from the swells and shallows I'd been drifting in. I could listen forever, if I had forever to spend. But I was running out of time.

"I did, and I don't regret it at all. Please, don't worry for me. This is what I wanted." It was a lie, a bold faced lie. I wanted to be here with her, I wanted to know the people I'd saved, I wanted to live. I didn't want to die. Oh God help me I don't want to die. "I'm happy." I wasn't, I'm not, please won't someone save me?

There's nothing left to save, I'm falling and there's nowhere left for me to go.

"You're happy," she said. It sounded more convincing, coming from her. I'm sorry, Kairi, but there isn't enough time. You're going to have to tell my lies for me.

"I am," I said, trading seconds for empty reassurances. So little time and this was how I spent it. "Make sure Riku knows, make sure they all know I chose this. I don't need to be saved, it's okay. The war is over, they're safe, they can rest now. It's okay."

"You want me to tell them that," she whispered. I couldn't hear the ocean anymore, just Kairi. Her words, her pulse, the sound of a single tear running down her cheek. I couldn't feel her hand anymore, couldn't smell the salt or the brine. Her voice was the last tether before I was cast adrift.

"Please," I whispered back. "I'd tell them myself, but there isn't enough time."

Hold on, hold on, just a few seconds more. A few seconds more before I let go.

"Okay." She nodded once, her eyes closed. "I'll tell them." When her eyes opened again, they were all I could see. Twin oceans staring at me, holding me still, begging the cruel fate that tore me apart to  _wait._  Just a moment more, just a little more time.

I'm used to the feeling of death. There's a moment where the pain just stops, and it's so peaceful right there, before who you are fades away. Fear and grief, rage and regret, they all slide away, silk on skin, til theres nothing left but a heart and it's desperate struggle to stay alive. And then that goes too. Or at least, I think it does. I've never been dead for that long before.

Funny, that I should know it so well and still be so afraid. But even past the haze of fear, that grips my heart and tells me to fight, I am  _tired_ , and it is with no more than a sputtering flame of life left in my chest that I finally let go.

It's always been dark, before, but now I am surrounded by the most curious light. It's soft, and warm, and much more welcoming than I thought death would be. I am breaking shattering falling  _dri f t i n g_  into tiny pieces. I am a thousand dandelion seeds flying on the sea breeze. And there's a sound, humming deep within my chest, and there's a light behind my eyes, and I almost want to yell at the sound and the sight of it, for keeping me awake. For once, for the first time in a while, I want nothing more than to sleep. I'm out of time, just let me dream, of endless ocean and auburn skies. I've been awake for so long, please.

Just let me sleep.


	2. Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like most things end up being, not even dying is simple for Sora. But even when there might be no hope left, old friends show up to prove him wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here we are. Sora just wants to take a nap, but the universe has other plans. Let's face it, when a character dies in Kingdom Hearts, we mourn for about five minutes and then start theorizing about which sequel will bring them back. So, this is me theorizing. Enjoy!

I'm fairly certain that coming back from the dead this many times has to violate some cosmic rule or something. But, you know, I'm not gonna complain. I wasn't too jazzed about being dead in the first place, so waking up in a city square, seemingly no worse for wear? Pretty nice. I probably have weird marks on my face from lying on the pavement. But it could definitely be worse.

The feeling of rain on my face is enough to wake me up, shaking off the last tempting tendrils of sleep. With wakefulness comes awareness. My hands shake and quiver, and my eyes can't focus with all of the lights shining on me from every angle. Normally, I associate light with comfort, but these feel harsh and hostile, the glare of hungry eyes pulsing. It almost makes me miss the cool calm of the darkness. And that's not the only thing that bothers me.

I can feel the cracks spreading through my heart, hairline fractures in my being where I'd shattered before. From what little I can tell the only thing holding the pieces in place is sheer willpower at this point. I feel like one of mom's favorite old mugs, dropped and broken over and over and glued back together every time. I must still be fragile, then. I guess even  _my_  heart can only take so much. Which means I should probably avoid using the Keyblade, too. Who knows what putting stress on my heart would do to me right now. But again, it could definitely be worse. Like, for example, I could be dead.

There is a moment where, out of the blue, the actual meaning of that sentiment hits me.

Holy shit.  _I'm not dead._

You know what? That's a thought that deserves to be spoken aloud.

"I'M NOT DEAD!" I yell to the rooftops, throwing my arms up in the air and turning my face up to the moonless sky. Echoes of my own ecstasy bounce back off of the pavement, hollow reassurances of my declaration. Rain pelts down my cheeks, following the trails of all the tears I'd cried just to get here. Existence is a powerful, overwhelming thing, and I am all too happy to embrace it, fragile heart and all. The lights glaring at me from all sides slide harmlessly off my skin, casting deep shadows where it can't reach. I am a watercolor of contrast, the shadows dancing around me as I spin, drunk on the pulse I can hear pounding in my ears. So caught up in my own celebration am I, that I never take into account the other shadow being cast on the ground, elongated beyond recognition next to mine.

"I wouldn't get my hopes up so soon," says the figure I still haven't noticed. "Whether or not you're dead at the moment is really a matter of opinion." Their voice jars me out of my revelry, and I jump to attention with a yelp, right hand grasping at empty air as I pull the power of the Keyblade from my heart to my fingertips. I don't want to know what using it right now will do to me, but I am desperate to protect my newfound existence. Then their words actually reach my brain, and I am left trying to process the very familiar face in front of me and the meaning of his words at the same time.

"Joshua?!" I definitely don't squeak out the name, though the look on his face implies he found my reaction amusing all the same. I relax my hand ever so slightly, letting the feeling of my blade recede back to its hollow in my chest. He's a friend. At least, I hope he still is.

"I'm honoured you remember me," he declares, eyes narrowed in an expression that looks both welcoming and predatory at the same time. Something is different about him. What that is, I couldn't tell you.

"I'm honestly more surprised  _you_  remember  _me_ ," I deflect, letting my usual smile slide onto my face. Something has me on edge. It might just be the unfamiliar location, or my own fragile state, but something is wrong. "And what did you mean, matter of opinion? You're either dead or you're not dead." Joshua chuckles and shakes his head. He looks at me with what's definitely condescension, and I feel the desire to square my shoulders and grit my teeth in response. I resist. What is going on? Why is Joshua making me so nervous?

"You of all people should know that it's not nearly so simple as that." He strolls toward me, nonchalant and  _threatening_. "Your kind heart has landed you in trouble. Again. The short version is that you died."

"Thanks, but that's not new information." Joshua must hear the edge in my voice, because he looks surprised for half a second.

"Right," he murmurs, a pensive frown on his face. "Anyways, contrary to your needlessly loud declaration earlier, you are very much still dead." Now it's my turn to look surprised. "Think of this as… a second chance. A bonus round to put you back in the game." His smile stops treading the line between 'kind' and 'scary' and dips right down into 'terrifying'. "And as I recall, you have promises to keep to those still in the land of the living. Better not blow it!" The last sentence is in a sing-song tone that definitely grates on my nerves. Is being easily irritated a side effect of dying? Can I blame bad moods on that?  _'Yeah sorry I'm being pissy right now, but you know, death will do that to ya!'_

Okay. Getting distracted isn't helping. Think about the social repercussions of resurrection  _later_.

"I'm not gonna blow it," I spit back. This time, I let my irritation show on my face. "Joshua, I think of you as a friend, but if you're not gonna be helpful, I'll find someone else who will be. Like you said, I have promises to keep. I can't do that if you stand here, spout dumb riddles, and then treat me like I'm an idiot." Oh, that definitely rattled him. To be honest, my own irritation is surprising to me, too. It's like there's a cloud of misery hanging on the edge of my vision. Whatever has me on edge is sending shivers down my spine, and I almost call my Keyblade out on reflex.  _Joshua is a friend!_  I remind myself.

"Well, look who finally went and got some rage of his own," Joshua crows. He looks weirdly pleased about the whole thing. "I'm glad, honestly. I have no doubt that you're still as selfless as ever, but a little righteous anger will get you a long ways here." He waves a hand in the air, his eyes drifting lazily to the side. "But you can rest easy, I'll make the explanation short and simple. You're playing a game to prove your right to exist. Win the game, and you can return to the land of the living. Lose, and you die for real. Now, you should know, you've paid a toll to be here. Tell me, what is it you value most?"

"What I value most?" I echo, rocking back on my heels as I think. "Honestly… I just want my friends to be safe. I'll do anything to protect them. As long as they're safe, back on the Islands, I'll be happy." The connection between the answer and the question hits me like one of Axel's chakrams. I blink and look back at him. A rising feeling of dread is mixing in with the odd sense of apprehension, turning my stomach into a roiling mess. At this point I'm starting to wonder where the nearest trash can is, and if it's possible to puke in this particular version of the afterlife.

"Ah, well, that would explain it," Joshua states. He does look genuinely remorseful for a moment. "Riku's here, too. Well, not  _here_  here, you're going to have to find him. But he's also dead. He's part of the game, too, and your other friend, the one with the go-getter spirit and the red hair? She's in the REAL version of the world, looking for the two of you. In other words, very much not safe. But, hey, on the bright side, if you can get to Riku in time, you'll have a perfect partner to form a Pact with."

"That's- that's not reassuring at all," I choke out, feeling the shards of my being crack and rattle as they grate against each other. My own distress is making it hard to breathe. Was it all for nothing? Riku is… he's…

"Look, I know this is a lot," Joshua says, his voice cutting through the panic like a sea skiff on the waves back home. "But you've gotten through worse. And this game may be tough, but you can definitely beat it. Find Riku. Complete the objectives. Beat the game. Then, once you've earned your chance at life, find Neku and Shiki. They can help you find your spitfire friend."

Having the steps laid out for me does help a little. At the very least, I manage to get my breathing under control. The panic attack that has been simmering in my veins for the last who-knows-how-long will have to wait for another time. Based on the rising sense of danger that's screaming at me from the base of my spine, I'm going to have to get out of here, quickly. No time to lose focus.

"Find Riku," I repeat. "Beat the game." I rub my hands together, turn the phrases into a tune. "Find Riku, beat the game. Find Riku, beat the game." A slightly more morbid verse crosses my mind and then, to my dismay, crosses my lips. "If they die, then you're to blame."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Sora! You didn't mean for this to happen!" says a voice from my shoulder. This time, I really do jump up and scream, and I only stop myself from summoning the Keyblade at the last moment. With wide eyes I turn to look at the source of the voice, only to see… well, son of a sea turtle.

"Holy shit, Jiminy, you scared the crap out of me!" The painful tug on my ear is expected, if entirely undeserved.

"Language!" he scolds. It's an old routine, one we've done dozens of times, and that relaxes me more than I care to admit.

"I think it's at least a little bit warranted," I grumble, but there's not a single thing in this world that can stop a brilliant smile from appearing on my face. I never thought I could be so happy to see a cricket. "How did you get here, Jiminy?"

"You forgot I was in your hood, and I decided not to remind you. Dangerous journey or not, I figured you could use a friend somewhere down the line." I forget about Jiminy fairly often, seeing as he almost never talks and takes up no space whatsoever. However, the fact I'd made a grand speech about "needing to go it alone" and still forgot about the passenger in my hood is… well, disappointing, but pretty in character for me.

"Well, seeing as the cricket is not a viable partner, you should probably go and find Riku," Joshua reminds me. I turn to face him, and his unease is nearly palpable. He keeps glancing at my shoulder, his face growing more pinched each time. Ah. I guess crickets don't generally talk here. Even so, with a shake of his head Joshua manages to continue. "I can help you out, but you need a partner to survive the games. Use the pins, they should be in your pocket. And get moving! The Noise are starting to move in."

"Noise?" I wonder out loud, before realizing that finding Riku really should be my priority. "You know what, I'm sure I'll figure it out. Thanks for the advice, and sorry for getting annoyed earlier. I guess dying will do that to ya."

"I guess it will," he agrees. Hell yeah, dying  _is_  a valid excuse! I'm totally using that from now on. Although… maybe wait a bit before I use it on Riku. He's probably going to be sensitive about this for a while.

"See you around!" I turn to run down the street, but Joshua's voice stops me.

"Actually, the fastest way to Riku is  _that_  way," he says, pointing to my left. I salute, do an about face, and take off running again.

"You know," Joshua yells after me, "when we said we'd see you in Shibuya, this was NOT what I had in mind!" I spin and run backwards for a few steps, grinning with wild abandon.

"Me neither, but, hey, that's life, right?" A loud chuckle is his response, and as I spin back around, I hear his parting remark.

"Well, that's one way of putting it!"

My footsteps pound on the pitch back pavement, and if I focus on the light shining on the puddles, I can see near perfect reflections of the buildings rising up on either side. The lights are a little softer, my goal a little clearer. I've got a cricket on my shoulder and a friend at my back. That angry cloud that was setting my nerves on fire has shifted from around me to behind me. Maybe the Noise that Joshua mentioned have something to do with it? What kind of noise could do that? Country music, maybe?

I allow myself a moment to laugh before I dedicate my breath to running. I've got a job to do.

Find Riku, beat the game. I can do this. I  _have_  to do this. Riku's life hangs in the balance this time, and even if I won't survive for my own sake, I have to survive for his. And then maybe we can finally go home.

Maybe then I can rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few things that I'll clarify: First, Sora is very much still a little broken. He doesn't ever summon the Keyblade in this, but if he did, I imagine it would feel a little bit like dragging grass shards through his arm. Second, the toll he payed to get into the Reaper's Game: his friends safety. All he wanted was for Riku to survive the War and for Kairi to make it back home safe. So, as a result Riku is a little dead and Kairi is running around Shibuya yelling at strangers (and wondering why everyone starts dressing like Sora). 
> 
> I don't think I'll continue this, seeing as that will be the territory of the next game and I'd be heading off the road of "canon" and into the woods of "making stuff up as I go along." But I will keep writing more stuff for Kingdom Hearts 3, so keep a lookout for that.
> 
> Kudos are appreciated, but comments are adored! It's really motivating when you guys stop and say something about what you got from this, so if you really want more stuff to read, maybe drop in and say hi!

**Author's Note:**

> I want to expand my writing capabilities, so I figured trying a new perspective would be a good way to do that. And getting in a character's head is good practice, so, here we are. I don't really have much to say, other than I hope you enjoyed and the second chapter will be up soon! It's already done, and if I feel ambitious I might upload the rest later today. Also, if you're looking for more kh3 goodness, might I suggest my good friend QuillOwl? If stellar writing and a solid mix of humor and angst are your thing, then look no further! I highly suggest the fic "On The Heels of Reticence", a 5+1 of Sora and Terra interactions, which is something I'm constantly starved for. And if for some odd reason you want to find me on tumblr, you can find me there as kamiddani. See ya later!


End file.
